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Date:2004-10-10 17:30

I washed my hair of this LJ and have created a new one. Check that shit out, if you want.


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Date:2004-10-07 23:11
Mood: frustrated

Oh my...it was supposed to be such an enjoyable night. Here I am still at home, listening to Jon Stewart, even though we were supposed to go out, to a bar, to a club, anywhere. I think we still might. I'm so impatient. I just sat on the couch yelling, "I'm upset!" hoping that would urge everyone to goout with me. I'm all over the place. So much going on. I'm tired and busy and sleepy but anxious and I desire a smoke/drink/hit...whatever. I'm antsy. I need something. Sex, drugs, rock and/or roll. I'll take any of it.

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Date:2004-10-05 00:45
Subject:Home !
Mood: sleepy

Ahh the wonders of the human body. Can one maintain life on nearly no sleep? Why, sure! I arrived at JFK at 5am....I took the damn subway home at 6am...bought Murray's Bagels at 7am....saw the girls and offered them said bagels by 7:30 and was in a half coma from about 9 til 10am. Not quite a good night's sleep but good enough. My trip back to the Dub was good. Better and worse than I had imagined I suppose. Despite some confusion on why the hell I went out there in the first place, I did see my beloved Bina which was much too enjoyable. Getting trashed and dancing to Usher is always good times. Saw my Savanna, who is home at last. We enjoyed a lunch, a drive and some Old Navy shopping...was too glad to see that ho. Was able to kiss and tousle the hair of that boy who makes me melt all over the place. All in all, an ok trip. But now I'm back where I belong with enough homework to make even Fu's eyebrows furrow.

Oy, it's already almost 1am. I wish I could just chill tomorrow instead of pinning and cutting and sewing and presenting some stupid ass presentation on yarn (which is even more exciting than you might imagine). But! We have decided that Tuesday night will be drinking night and I'm in agreement with that.

I'm going to make myself some hot chocolate, bury my tired body under my new blankie, and enjoy some selected readings from my Textile Science text book. Night kids.

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Date:2004-09-28 02:38
Subject:this is funny


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Date:2004-09-26 23:01
Subject:I would really enjoy Tres Tacos right now.
Mood: relaxed

It's nighttime in New York and all of the little animals are peacefully asleep. Well my roommates are at least. We've all had very exhausting weekends, it's time to rest. Unfortunately, I've had an exhausting week. It seems like everything is changing. Saying goodbye and hello and learning my limits and trying to let go and going out and staying in and trying new things....it's all good, but it's tiring. Maybe the happy routine of school will bring me back to life.

I spent the whole day inside. Never got out of my jammies. No one in the apartment did, in fact. Instead we lounged on the new futon, ate what we could find and read our books. We were all too tired, too hungover, entirely unmotivated to go out into the world. It's kind of fun to do that sometimes.

I look forward to going home on Wednesday, (I do not, however, look forward the the long flight that I have to take right after my last class). It will give me a rest from the crazy life I have built myself. I want Baja Fresh and my own space and tv shows I miss and time with people I care about. Although, much to my own dismay (for what am I if not a lone wolf?), I care about the people here too. It's a wonderful thing when you realize how many people you care about, and how many care about you too.

Time for me to go torture myself in the laundry room again. I'm trying to get laundry done at 10:30pm. Who am I kidding?

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Date:2004-09-25 19:50
Subject:we have a new plant, unnamed as of yet
Mood: exhausted

We got a futon today. Gabrielle thinks it is too uncomfortable but I like it. Finally something else to sit on besides our desk chairs. Another long night last night. Won't bore y'all with details but it was fun times. Just went out to dinner with Anna. Before that we just sat at Washington Square Park for like 2 hours. It's fun to watch people there. So many little kids and college students and crazy hobos all in one spot. Ummm... i don't know what else to chat about. Just haven't been going out as much during the day. Too tired from the nights before. Gotta get into a better schedule. It's just that I don't have classes before noon or three. Way too easy to just sleep in all the time. Going home on Wednesday. Will enjoy seeing Mom and bed and TV.

Ok, that's all I got for now. Have a fun Saturday night kids!

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Date:2004-09-20 02:30
Subject:We need some real knives.

I cut my finger yesterday while trying to cut a lemon with a dull butter knife. Not one of my better ideas. The point is, even now it still hurts. At least it is my left hand.

So Scott is home.

I need to be up in 7 hours or so for school. I'm sleepy, I think.

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Date:2004-09-17 14:39
Subject:I'm a hurtin cowboy
Mood: drained

Eating oatmeal- the only thing that feels comforting to my aching body. Last night: Got dressed up, went a to a trendy restaurant called Sushi Samba with Gabrielle and her friends, spent far too much on dinner and cosmopolitans, back to Haelime's to rest for a minute, went out to Keybar, got sloppy drunk (I fault the owner for giving us so many free ones.), tripped and fell on account of my painfully cute stilettos, was scooped up by spooky Hungarian guy, ("Iss okay, you wanna dance??"- and no, I did not want to.), now my ankle is swollen and sore but at least my fancy shoes looked fabulous, drunk dialed a few people, threw money at a cab driver, fell down in elevator, stumbled up and down ladder into bed, slept, slept, slept, and now here I am. I feel a tad under the weather. And a little bit pathetic. I haven't been doing this very much, I'm not used to partying like this. I never had a fun, drunken freshman year to get used to feeling painfully drunk like I did last night (although I suppose we did have enough summer parties to acquaint me to the idea). I just woke up a little while ago. I don't think I'm gonna do anything today. I finished my oatmeal and now I think I'll watch a DVD, because that's the only thing I can handle right now. AHHH.... fire alarm just went off, inexplicably. Fuck shit fuck crap goddammit. This is hurting my head. I hope we're not supposed to evacuate or something. ARRRHH seeing spots. Okay it stopped. I'm gonna chill now, that took a lot out of me.

Ok- ten minutes later. I DID have to evacuate. Ugh 6 flights of stairs on my sad ankle was no fun.

For real this time, bye.

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Date:2004-09-11 19:42
Subject:Me again

So, I did go. It was much more intense that I would have imagined. But I'm glad I saw it.

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Date:2004-09-11 12:35
Mood: hungry

Well it's the crack of noon and I'm finally awake. Gollllly I can sleep a lot these days. Last night was really interesting. Anna and I went to see Art Speigelman talk at Cooper Union. Do you guys remember the book Maus? (There was a sequal too). We read it in 9th grade I think. In any case it was a comic book style story of the Holocaust. I really enjoyed it at the time and I always remember thinking that the auhtor was really talented. I was excited to hear about his new book, In the Shadow of No Towers. It is, of course, about September 11th (which is today, incidentally) and how he saw it all firsthand with his wife and children. I bought the book and was looking through it last night. The drawings are painfully cool...makes me wish I were better at that sort of thing. He's a really interesting and funny guy. I really enjoyed it. The creepy thing was as we left the auditorium, we looked up in the sky and saw the two long rays of light that project from Ground Zero. I can see them from my dorm too...but it was awesome to see them at that moment. I'm thnking about taking the subway down there today, although I imagine a lot of people will be doing that so maybe it will be too crowded. I still haven't seen it, where the WTC was...it's kind of too scary or creepy or something.

I will go have breakfast now...

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Date:2004-09-09 17:36
Subject:"Hey girlie, you lost?"
Mood: accomplished

This afternoon, I trekked 16 blocks uptown to the historical, beautiful Garment District. Ha, I'm lying, I took the subway because I'm lazy. Truthfully it's not beautiful at all and it was really humid out today which made all of the gnarly gutter smells rise up in the air. I did find most of the things I needed for my classes though, which was cool. I was really glad to get home, going out makes me feel so sweaty and dirty.

Last night we invited over some random hall mates over for wine and raisins and Wheat Thins and a little weed. It was so pathetic when we tried to get the cork out of the $3.99 Merlot and broke the opener and then had to drink corky wine out of coffee mugs all night.

Ohhh I ordered my groceries from freshdirect.com yesterday. How exciting to get a delivery! Plus, I'm running out of food. I've been eating a lot of pretzels and pb&j sandwiches.

That's the update for now.

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Date:2004-09-08 17:19
Subject:Crap weather
Mood: cold

It's raining, it's pouring...

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Date:2004-09-06 02:41
Subject:It's late and here I am again
Mood: bored

Okay I must say this staying up way too late thing is getting old. Just watched one of my favorite movies, Good Will Hunting.I love it when he cries, it's so pretty when cute boys cry. One more day until school starts...yes! No more of this wanndering around aimlessly! Okay I don't know what else to talk about........Oh ok, I got one. I'm glad that the weather has cooled down some. It feels more like fall now. Soon I can wear my coats and boots and scarves and feel glamourous. I feel like watching TV but I can't because we don't have one except for the one in the lounge that no one uses because it's scary and windowless and entirely uncool down there. Argh, I think I'm hungry again which is dumb because I just had some oatmeal a few hours ago and I don't feel like making anything else. Where's my chef-robot when I need it??

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Date:2004-09-05 03:57
Subject:Ben Harper is out to get me
Mood: melancholy

Feeling unusually sad but not depressed...just sad. It's not the kind of sad you try to cover up because it's scary or pathetic. You hug this sad because it reminds you of happy memories. The ones I'm thinking of are, naturally, those spent with the boy. I'm listening to the songs that remind me of him, the ones I promised myself I wouldn't to listen to. I'm looking at pictures, the cutest ones that make me miss him too much. I'm thankful he's far away in France or Spain or wherever because if I could call him now I'd be miserable. It never helps to call someone if you miss them terribly. It just reminds you that they are somewhere else, not with you. Especially because he is pretty inept with phone conversation.

I'm not unhappy here, that's not what makes me think about it. It's just tough. Luckily school will start soon and then I won't even have enough time to emote...I'll just be a sewing, writing, drawing organism with only enough extra time to occaisionally eat and sleep. Yes for school!

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Date:2004-09-03 15:55
Subject:Fix up, look sharp.
Mood: lethargic

Not feeling too well at the moment. Should have drank less and slept more last night. I just tried to cook rice and it burnt the pan and I had to resort to cereal for lunch. It's Friday and I have no plans for the evening which is sort of sad. The problem is, so few people in the world realize how fucking fun I am. I'm fun, I really am! I mean, at least I try hard to be fun and to have fun and goddamnit why doesn't a larger percentage of the world know that? Soon I'm going to have friends and when they realize how fun I am, hot dang, it is gonna be a party. Perhaps I'll go see a movie by myself tonight or go shopping or something. Now that the convention is over traffic will suck less and cops won't always be telling me to go away. I'm interested in that movie "Outfoxed" and I think it's playing down the street. We'll see.

Scott is in Europe for two weeks and I wish he was here instead because I miss his stomach and the smell of his hair and how small my feet look next to his. Boo hoo.

I want to see "Garden State" again. I've already seen it twice but it is just such a good movie. If I saw Zach Braff walking around somewhere I'd stop him, kneel down and worship him for about ten minutes. I think he's just swell.

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Date:2004-09-01 00:08
Subject:The NY log, vol. 1
Mood: mellow

The leaving home, dragging around of huge boxes, sightseeing, moving in and subsequent adjusting to new home has worn me the fuck out. All is well though. My new dorm is so big, so new, so clean (or it was til I threw a tea bag at the wall and watched it slide down, unintentionally of course). From my bedroom window I can see the Empire State Building, which is all lit up in red, white and blue.

It was fun being here with mom and my aunt. I got to do some shopping and some fun tourist stuff (like a goofy carriage through central park, haha). I got super drunk at the Marriot in Times Square- such a cool view. Later we bought bootleg copies of new movies, the ultimate NY experience.

Chelsea is a very fun little area with cool places to eat and pretty gay men. The dorm shopping was fun but hectic. Let me rant for a moment: the Bed, Bath & Beyond on 6 and 18th is a horrendous hell-hole that should be burnt down immediately.

I took a long walk around town today. Went through Greenwich village, skimmed Soho, and chilled in Washington Square Park for a little bit while I chatted on the cell. My poor ankles were killin me by the time I got home, but it was really nice. The weather was pretty mellow today too, not too humid.

So that's the update. Gimme a call, the number's the same.

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Date:2004-08-17 23:16
Mood: lazy

Wow I forgot to check my journal for a few days and had lots of new stuff to read. That's always fun. So it was my birthday on Saturday and now I'm 19 which means I'm old and sad. The fact that my birthday was relatively horrible doesn't help, (I say 'relatively' because I suppose a piano has probably fallen on someone on their birthday making their day far worse than my day, meaning I would be a total whiner for saying mine was so bad when clearly others also have suffered on their birthdays...I digress). However that shit is in the past and now I far bigger shrimp to throw on the barbie- Parsons! I have to start packing, I think. Seems to me I'll, like, need stuff when I get there. I'm still waiting to hear from my roommates who I emailed last week...Kara and Anna, if you're out there email me back, it will unnerve me a bit!!

It's insane that in less than two weeks I'll be there. Insane. I really haven't dealt with that yet. Denial is sweet. And so is my boy who has the prettiest eyelashes I have ever seen. And, now that I think of it, my b-day wasn't so horrible because a large part of it was spent napping with him on his couch, my legs intertwined in his... my idea of lovely.

So I just took a dental hygiene break and I'm using this whitening gel that makes me drool all over the place. Sexy, right?

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Date:2004-08-10 22:49
Subject:Hi from Chelsea
Mood: hopeful

Well I finalllly received my housing assignment! Turns out I didn't get my first choice (Loeb Hall on E. 12th) but the 20th Street Res. Hall in Chelsea. It's brand new and pretty close to classes. Funny thing is, this place is way nicer than Loeb, I don't know why I didn't think so at the time. Anyway, I'm very pleased...I kinda thought I was forgetten. So now I have four roommates to meet which frightens me because I fear they will hate me/ I will hate them. I'm pretty nice though...usually. I met some nice girls at FIDM, like my buddy Priscilla, but a whole bunch of them were crazy bitches.

Hey! Speaking of crazy bitches, I'm going to Asia SF on Friday! If you've never heard of it, it's a nightclub/restaurant where the men are beautiful women who are men who are women who are men. Or something. I hear it's a lot of fun. Kip is taking me there for my birthday. Nothing says celebration like transexuals.

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Date:2004-08-06 23:27
Subject:Ryan Adams is right, love is hell...unless you're a Sim.
Mood: cranky

So it's almost my birthday and I'm leaving soon and I feel completely unprepared for anything and crap, I want to be happy. Also it doesn't help that it's Friday night and I'm not feeling like it should be bedtime but aparently it is because here I am, on my bed, in my jammies listening to the crickets and a BART train every now and again. I guess my birthday shouldn't make me sad but it's the last time I'll see anyone, inlcuding my family. It's all so strange...I mean in 20 years I'll only ever remember graduation, FIDM (but only in a hazy, unimportant sort of way), getting accepted to Parsons and woooosh! moving to New York. I won't remember the year of anxiety and craziness and depression and therapy and unpleasantness in between. Which, I suppose, isn't really bad. I guess it's just that I want all of this built up anticipation about the situation to give way to all of the good stuff I WILL remember later on. I feel like none of this is making sense. I talk about this stuff too much.

My Sims had sex the other day. I didn't even know this was possible. It has to happen in a very subtle way: you must make the Sims kiss passionately for a while, then have one stand next to the bed, have her call to the other, he goes over she gets in bed and "Vibrates" (yes, there's a vibrating bed you can buy. it's 4,000 but damn worth it) and you click on him and it says "Play in Bed" and that's how it goes. The thing is, you can't let the Sim fall in love with you or he will become possessive when you flirt with other Sims. It's very complicated. Actually, it's all very bizarre and I'm a freak for enjoying it...but damnit it's so fun.

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Date:2004-07-31 01:13
Subject:Tonight's entry, part III
Mood: annoyed

If it can even be believed, this is the third entry I have written tonight. The first two were, much to my dismay, inexplicably deleted...I don't even know why I'm going to bother trying again as this one will probably be deleted as well...something that could potentially break my soul because it would be so traumatic. I was reasonably pleased with the first version, really happy with the second and pretty pissed off at this one so far because it's not nearly has interesting as the first two. The very first was about how lazy I have become since the end of school and work, the second was how the loss of the first was as irrationally irritating as losing a sock that could easily be replaced and now this one is just me trying to get SOMETHING posted here so I can sleep soundly tonight. I'll try to pretend like I haven't written out this story twice before: So today, in an effort to be lazier than ever before, I woke up at 12:30, watched VH1 for way too long and then went out with Scott where we spent far too much time and energy trying to locate The Awful Truth (the show hosted by Michael Moore pre-Columbine and Fahrenheit) on DVD. And even though it was a total waste of time because no one but those bastards at Barnes & Noble who try to charge you way too much for DVDs and CDs when you can get them at Best Buy for like fucking half the price those stupid stupid pieces of crap!- even so, it was fun because I was with him, the boy I love, and we were being lazy and silly and there's nothing better than that.

With that I'm so going to bed because I can't handle this damn Live Journal anymore- it's making me crazy.

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my journal